Monday, February 23, 2009

A Cure for the Common Crazy Horsewoman

Okay. So Wally isn't terminally crippled. However, he's still sore. After his costly appointments with the vet and shoer, he's much better, but not completely sound. I rode him a little bit in the arena yesterday (Sunday), and he felt great. Yet on the trip up and back, over any part of the trail that was hard and unforgiving, he'd take a short step on his right front, the foot with the sole bruise. When I fed him this morning at 6:30 I could tell he was still ouchy.

Naturally I called my vet, Jennifer. At least I had the self-control to wait until 8:03 a.m., so I wasn't bothering her before the start of regular office hours. But it was hard. I swear, I was literally staring at the digital clock over my microwave, waiting for it to click to ":03" before I began dialing the number. After all, I don't want my vet to think I'm a crazy horse owner or anything like that. <*cough*>

I left a plaintive message on Jennifer's voice mail, explaining in grand detail Wally's life history over the whole 72 hours since she'd seen him last. And I ended it with, "So tell me precisely what to do. Like, how long should I lay him up? How much bute, if any, should I give him, because I want him to be comfortable, but I don't want to mask his symptoms and think he's okay when he's not, but I don't want him to be in pain, yet I don't want him to get an ulcer from all the bute, either. I need exact days. I need plan of treatment, Jennifer, a precise plan!"

She probably waited to call me back until she'd stopped laughing at how ridiculous I sounded.

When Jennifer did call she had a very conciliatory tone to her voice, similar to a kindergarten teacher telling a 5-year-old, "There there, now Margie, that's just a scrape. Doesn't even need a Band-aid. Now dry your eyes and head back to the swing set."

She gave me a plan: "Give Wally one gram of bute each morning for a week. Do not ride him, do not longe him, not even in the arena, because while the footing is nice there, the ground is hard on the trail, and we want that bruise to heal, not get worse and go deeper into his sole."

Somewhere in there she said, "He'll be fine." But I forgot that part as soon as I hung up the phone.

I wish someone would come up with a medicine that would calm the nerves of anxious, neurotic horsewomen like me who go into an emotional tailspin when their horses are lame. Or sore. Or ill. Or have a skin rash. Perhaps it could be marketed in feed & tack stores right alongside the multitude of equine supplements. The product should be something benign and non-addictive, because the typical crazy horsewoman would be reaching for it frequently. The product would also need a clever title and tag line. Here are a couple of my ideas:

Vet Bee-Gone Granules
Feeling helpless and abandoned? Natural herbs and honey extract soothe away the fears you feel as the vet drives away.
Lay-Up Time Tea
Kick off your boots, settle back and sip some tea. You won't be riding your horse for a while, so why not relax?
Penniless Powder
Has your grocery budget been decimated by vet and farrier bills? Just add water for a scrumptious drink that provides all the nutrients neccessary for an entire day!
"Is He Sound Yet?" Chewable Wafers
Designed specifically for compulsive horse owners who cannot control their urge to peek at their horse numerous times each day to check on the animal's recovery status. Studies have shown that chewing on these gummy wafers relieves stress and anxiety. (Limit 16 wafers per day).
If you have any creative ideas for curing the worries of the everyday crazy horsewoman (or any other thoughts), just click on "comments" below!


Jessica said...

Hahaha - I'm glad you at least have a sense of humor in all this! Thanks for the laugh - made my morning :-D
(And I'm hesitant to say this, BUT, if they really did make those, I'd be the first in line for them!)

Anonymous said...

oh Cindy, you make me laugh. I could have used those waffers a month ago. Both Karisma, my 1/2 Arabian 1/2 TB, and Zode, my fiesty little off the track jumper prospect, went lame! Turns out Karisma had a bruise like Wally, and Zode had injured a tendon. but there both better now, and Wally will be too!

Anonymous said...

Hhmmm, those medicines sound delightful! But, we have medicines for people that work just as well for chasing all the blues away. I can sum it all up with one word--Vicodin. ;) :P

However, since that is (I believe) a prescription drug, you could always take a pinch of Wally's bute, which should hopefully work just as well.

~Not a Real Pharmacist, but a very helpful-feeling blog reader

Anonymous said...

Those medicines sound good, I need them too... my 6 yr. old AQHA barrel racer is going blind from moon blindness and gave himself a bloody nose and half-bald face a couple days ago from running straight into a support pole during a random spazz attack. He'll be fine, but I really wish I could do something to get him to adjust, and because I can't, it's putting me very much on edge. I know how you feel, Cindy. Speedy recovery to Wally, and keep being optomistic!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing Cindy!! Your blog made my afternoon! Hope Wally has a speedy recovery and the two of you hit the trails again soon!

Watching from Above. said...

I'm glad to hear that Wally is on his way to recovery.
I know with a little patients and some of the over the counter antidote you will both be out and about in no time.
I like seeing him in his pajamas so take your time.

Watching from Above.

Cindy Hale said...

I'm always happy to make people laugh, even if it is at my expense! Fortunately, Wally is perfectly fine now. Woo-hoo! After a week off and the addition of pads underneath his shoes, he is feeling back to his old self. I am so thankful! Next time-- because he will, like all horses, become sore or ill or temporarily unsound at some point-- I'll try to remember to REMAIN CALM.

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